Friday, October 30, 2009


I've racked my brains for a better way to start,
I couldn't find any, not that there were none.
But most of it seemed like dead cliches after all that's happened.
Am pretty sure this isn't the most suitable beginning either.
But does that matter?
There's always a word left unsaid for the other person.
In a way, its always been easier for me to love at a distance.
Because i am an incurable coward.
I fear the dependancy that comes with intimacy.
I am afraid of the pain of losing something
that never belonged to me in the first place.
But most of all, I dread the faithlessness of my own emotions,
I dread the truth in the fact that I can never be completely happy
without being eaten away by an irrational sadness;
that i cannot love anyone without hating them to an equal degree,
that I find place in loneliness,
and a bitter friend in this invasive emptiness that plagues my waking hours.
I know how much of a failure I really am,
when i see my worst qualities mirrored in others.
My tenderness has often ached with inconsistency, and I've faltered and tripped.
I dont want the past to repeat itself, because if it did,
I'd miss the way I feel about life right now, this moment.
It all seems so ridiculously inconclusive now.
Either I've said too much or too little.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

கண்கள் சிந்த சிந்த!!

சிரிக்க நினைத்தேன் நான்,
சிந்தும் அழுகை வந்ததேன்?
பறக்க துடித்தேன் நான்,
பறவை சிறகு ஒடிந்ததேன், ஏன்?
சொந்த மென்ன? பந்த மென்ன?
சோகம் தானே எங்கும்!
வந்தேன் உலகில் வாழ்விலின்றும்
பாசம் தானே பஞ்சம்!

Monday, October 12, 2009

மலரின் கல்லறை!!

சிரிக்கின்ற மலருக்கோ
சிலகாலம் வாழ்நாளாம்!
மரிக்கின்ற அறிகுறி தான்
மலர்கின்ற திருநாளாம்!
பறிக்கின்ற கைகளெல்லாம்
படுகொலையின் ஆயுதமாம்!
தறிக்கின்ற கூந்தலெல்லாம்- மலரைத்
தாலாட்டும் கல்லறையாம்!

பெண் எனும் பாரம்!!

"ஏய் ஊமைப் பெண்ணே!
ஏன் அழு குரல் எழுப்பாமல்
சற்றே சிரிக்கின்றாய்?
தெரியுமா உனக்கு?
புதிதாய் தோண்டப்பட்ட சவக்குழி,
மண் குவியல் இருபுறமும்.
எல்லோரும் வஞ்சக நெஞ்சகர்களே!
கள்ளிப் பால் ஊற்றி உன்னை
பிணமென்று கைவிட்டுவிட எண்ணுகின்றாள்
உன் தாய். ஏனோ? எனக்குள் வாவென
இடுகாட்டு தாய் விரித்த இருகரம்,
சவக்குழி பறவையின் அடைக்கும்
இரு சிறகு, உன்னைக் கைவிடுவதாய் இல்லை."
என நான் கூவி முடிபதற்குள்
சிறு தொலைவில்,
'போய் வாடி அன்னமே' என்ற வரி
என் காதில் படர்ந்தது.
தன் மௌன மொழியால் இக்கொடுமையை
கடிந்து கூற சொற்களின்றி,
யாவரின் மரண ஓலங்களையும்
தாலாட்டு என்றே எண்ணி,
கண்மூடி, மாண்டு போனாள்
அந்த 'குட்டி தேவதை'!!

பாறையினூடே கதிர் வந்து பாய!!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Sweet Dream of My First Love!!

He could make me deliriously happy or crazy with anger quicker than anyone I had ever known, when he smiled everything else disappeared and I could not help but smile back. He had a million smiles but there was one in particular that I could even hear in his voice across the phone from miles away.It was playful and knowing and cynical and sincere and secretive and assertive and a thousand other paradoxical things all at once. That smile made me laugh when I was hurting, forgive him when I was angry and believe him even when I knew he was lying. That smile made me fall in love with him and that was the last thing I ever wanted to do.
When he smiled, though, I felt like I was looking right into his soul, and when i made him smile, I felt beautiful inside and out.
He was the first guy I ever really loved. Sometimes when I spoke with him, I felt that he could hear my deepest, darkest thoughts. He always knew how to say exactly what I wanted to hear. He would touch my soul and look into my heart and say he liked me with such warmth that I couldn't help believing. From the first time we talked, he dominated my thoughts. I would try to concentrate on school, my family or my other friends but it was no use. I would tell myself over and over again that he wasn't the kind of guy I needed in life but with each passing day,
I only wanted him more.
I felt so out of control, so scared and so excited. I would fall asleep at night thinking about his words and wake up in the morning with his soft magical words ringing in my ears. My instincts were in total conflict. Trust him. Don't trust him. Call him. Don't call him. Tell him how you feel. No it will scare him off. Then one day it all came crashing down around me. He was gone and as i hurt, I wondered if he had ever really liked me. It was like an alarm that had gone off too soon and now my dream was over. He was gone, and all that was left of all we had shared were some sweet memories that I was too proud to dwell on. My heart cried out for him. But my mind warned me to go on. In the end that is what I did. I learned more from him than from any other guy. When the time and strength finally came, I was forced to take those lessons and move on without him. Time passed and life continued and I think of him less and less. But sometimes my mind drifts back to the sweet dream of my first love and I am haunted by the images of his
smiles. I loved his smile.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

A Little About Me!!

I know i have so much to be grateful for, Am free to choose my desires
And I make them with courage, detachment and
Sometimes with a little touch of madness.

I know what i want & I've no need to waste my time on explanations,
I take every oppurtunity to teach myself, take time to understand.

I'm never taken in by appearances and make a point of remaining
silent when people try to impress me.

I use the occasions to correct my own faults, for the other people
make an excellent mirror.

I know certain moments repeat themselves, and all these repeated experiences
have but one aim, to teach me what i never want to learn.

I'm not afraid to weep over ancient sorrows or feel joy at new discoveries,
and don't condemn a few acts of unexpected folly.

I don't spend my days trying to play the role that others have chosen for me.

I make mistakes, so many of them, I ask myself questions, I'm looking for a reason,
and I'm sure to find it.

It's not my responsibility to judge the dreams of others and i dont waste time
critisising other people's decision, i simply accept the challenge.

I have behaved treacherously, i have lied, i have strayed from my path,
i have courted dreams, and evrything was fine as if nothing had happened.

And am transforming to a new mould each day.

A Little About You!!

α lιttlє αьout мє,
αьout you ιиsιdє мє.
ι lιkє whєи you αяє αмьιtιous,,
ι lιkє whєи you αяє яough,
ι lιkє whєи you αяє αяяogαиt,
ι lιkє whєи you doиt сoмρяoмιsє,
ι lιkє whєи you doиt мιss мє,
ι lιkє whєи you doиt uиdєяstαиd,
ι lιkє whєи you αяє иot gєиtlє,
ι lιkє whєи you doиt сαяє,
ι lιkє whєи you doиt do ιt яιght,
ι lιkє whєи you αяє иot αttαсhєd,
ι lιkє whєи you doиt єxρlαιи,
ι lιkє whєи you doиt яємємьєя,
ι lιkє whєи you αяє иot ρяєdιсtαьlє,
ι lιkє whєи you doиt lιkє мє αt αll soмєtιмєs.
ι stιll lιkє ьєсαusє ι kиow you lovє мє
wιth αи єquαl dєgяєє oƒ hαtяєd.
αиd thαt's thє oиly яєαsoи to lovє you!